Sad, then more sad

There's nothing like a pandemic to make you acutely aware of delivering sad or disappointing news to your kids. They're already living in unusual and tense times and you just hate to add to their plates when it comes to mental wellness. Still, in recent weeks, we've been dealt a few blows that we couldn't keep from the kids.

At the end of April, Beth had to put down her beloved, sweet Panda. She was nearly 15 and, to most of us, they were a package deal. It felt like Beth had had Panda half of her life. The kids couldn't remember life without Panda and she was, without a doubt, our whole family's dog.

Panda was amazingly patient and sweet with children.

And the kids never got tired of walking her...

as you can tell from the happiness on Sebastian's face here.

Lots of leash-sharing...

And snuggles.

When Beth made the difficult decision to put Panda down (it had gotten harder and harder for her to walk), we did a family video call, so the kids could see and admire her one last time. We didn't tell them why we were having the video call, but it felt like the right thing to do.

A few days later, we shared the heartbreaking news. It was very hard and we all had a good cry. The kids asked some good questions. Samuel asked if she got the same shot as his friend's old dog. Sebastian said that if she had had babies, we could have adopted one of her puppies. Brie asked about how Beth and my parents came to make such a tough decision. Everyone was very interested in hearing about the delicious goodies that Panda got on her special last day: two banana splits, turkey, salmon and lots of treats.We all agreed that we were lucky that Panda lived such a long life. 💜

The loss of Panda would have been enough for any of us, but then a week later, our superhero rabbi died of metastatic breast cancer. She was only 54.

Rabbi Sissy was a pioneer...the first female rabbi in Cincinnati. We celebrated her 15th anniversary with a "Crystal Celebration" last year. In December, I traveled with and a dozen other Rockdale Temple members to Chicago where we attended the URJ Biennial together. She was honored that weekend for her for her positive influence on women in Reform Judaism.

Our family celebrated countless Tot Shabbats (where the kids would gather around her for story time) and family retreats (where each year we exchanged friendly banter about who would win Trivia Night...Team De Falco or Team Rabbi) with her. She helped us choose Sebastian's Hebrew name and the Torah portion for Samuel's upcoming Bar Mitzvah. We feel fortunate to have had so much time with her over the past eight years.

Telling the kids was rough--they did know that she was sick, but not how bad--especially since we lost a close friend to cancer a few years ago.

And we had literally just performed in the Purim Shpiel with her--where she aptly played Wonder Woman.

We gathered as a family to view her live-streamed funeral in our living room. Mourning as a community took place online. It's been odd not to celebrate her life as a community or to grieve together with friends. We've had no way to comfort one another except on the phone, in texts and via video calls.

We all adored Rabbi Coran and she was the heart of Rockdale Temple. I met her before we even moved to Cincinnati and she was a large reason that I was excited about living here. When our congregants finally can reenter the synagogue, there will be a huge void without her there.

Here's the lovely article about her that was recently on the cover of "The American Israelite." It contains many nice excerpts from her eulogies.

We've all had to adjust while quarantining these past few weeks. I've made impromptu ingredient substitutions when cooking and baking...and shared my usual at-home workspace with four new coworkers. 😉 Tony and his colleagues have redefined the field of science--previously thought to be a discipline that had to be in a labratory--by moving lab meetings, thesis defenses and grant reviews all online. And the kids swiftly acclimated to distance learning and to playing with one another instead of their friends. It's not forever and, in retrospect, I hope these all feel like small sacrifices that we made for a greater outcome.  

Two significant losses, however, have shown us that there are no substitutes for being together, grieving together, coping together. We're grateful to have each other and to have technology to keep us linked with extended family and friends, but it's just not the same.

Like families everywhere, we're ready for consistently good news and, one day, authentic together time. Until then, we'll remain grateful for the little things and thankful to have one another.

P.S. Summer camp was officially cancelled last week. That was blow #3 for the kids. We really hope that's the end of sad news for the time being...